Yesterday, August 9, 2018 marked my 1 year anniversary of marriage and 3 full years of being with my other half. I am more than excited to share my journey of being a newly-wed with you. But let me get one thing off of my chest before I start. Marriage is hard.
I was even told before I got married that marriage is hard work. But I don’t think anything could have prepared me for how frustratingly difficult it is to coexist with someone you are passionately in love with.
With that being said, in this post, I will give you a few lessons I learned from having a difficult first year of marriage.
Compromise is tough, but it will solve 90% of arguments.
Let me be honest, K and I had a shit 2017. Between three car crashes, loss of jobs, a devastating health diagnosis, and more, we had bad luck with almost every endeavor in 2017.
We argued a lot. I mean almost every day. That’s not exactly what you expect going into your first year of marriage.
Most newlyweds are awash with love, and a glow of perfection during their first year. But K and I were dripping in stress and lack of sleep.
So in order to avoid heartbreak and the threat of leaving our marriage, we practiced compromising. It started small, with dates, he chose one weekend, and I chose another.
Then it grew into chores (we are still working on that).
After it developed into bigger things like jobs and money. We compromised a lot on how to handle money. But letting K have the lead on things every so often helped in lessening my stress, and vice versa for him.
Practice loving each other every day
It can be hard to let your significant other know you love them every single day. You can often get so wrapped up in your own failures or successes that you forget to show them that you care.
Knowing this, K and I promised each other that we would spend as much time together as we could manage between our busy schedules.
While it may not have been a picturesque romantic dinner by candlelight, we spent time together commenting on TV shows or playing games (mostly K playing).
Some mornings were spent at our local coffee shop with K spiraling down a Reddit rabbit hole, while I diligently worked on this blog.
Although we only did little things together, the fact that we engaged lovingly with each other was a huge part of keeping our marriage alive during this first year. Not to mention, we said “I love you” every 5 minutes. Yep, we are that sappy couple.
Accepting each others’ faults.
So I recently posted a weekly inspiration series post about accepting your flaws. I definitely used a lot of those techniques to accept K’s many flaws. I had to learn that I wasn’t raised the same way as K, and our habits are vastly different.
No one is perfect.
So maybe K doesn’t get up the minute I ask him to help out around the house, I accepted that he moves a lot slower than I do when it comes to house chores.
In all the same, K has accepted that every now and then I get a bit bossy when I become anxious.
It can be difficult to not expect others to behave the same way as you, but once you realize how unique your significant other is, and the ways in which they move around their life, then you can start to relax (or in my case, work around it) to create a more harmonious union.
Just remember: marriage can be a beautiful thing if worked on
I have so many more lessons but these three were perhaps the biggest and most difficult lessons to learn. Marriage is a wonderful thing and not everyone is cut out for it. But if you truly love your partner and see a day where you can be old with them then, by all means, do what you can to make it work.
I believe we have many great loves in our lives but sometimes the love you have to fight the hardest for is the sweetest love in the end.